a little bit of us and stuff

i remember reading a story when i was young about a woman who poured an egg white into a glass of water.  she told four little girls they could see their futures in the swirling movement within the glass.

i wish i could look beyond the thin clear layer to see what will happen in the next few weeks.  or months.

but for now i feel suspended like the egg white.

not floating in the free unknown, but hanging.  surrounded by something that is not the same as me.  distorting myself in attempts to understand what will someday be.

ironically, the four little girls from that story became the spokespeople that drove the antiquated massacre known as the salem witch trials.  their testimony resulted in the deaths of over one hundred people.

i am tired of waiting,

i am tired of worrying.

i am tired of not knowing.