'vintage' is not the same as 'twee'

the internet, much like william shakespeare, has a remarkable way of transforming the english language.  take the adjective 'pretentious.'  until recently, the word was used to describe excessively unjustified statements, but after enough angry internetters (pretentiously) misused the term to mean "rude in a smart-sounding way," the online dictionaries have added a second definition to mean something along the lines of "showy and ostentatious."

nowadays, etsy, pinterest, bhldn, and modcloth have taken the internet by storm to gradually change the word "vintage."  now, i am far from a thrifting queen.  i no longer scour the hip second-hand stores for chic vintage finds the way some other amazing bloggers do.  but i've noticed over time, and when searching for a "something old" to wear at my wedding, the term "vintage" no longer means, well, "vintage."  nowadays it seems to exist as a synonym for "stylish, sentimental somewhat distressed, rustic, anthropologie-approved cute."  once upon a time, it was oxymoronic to say "make this DIY vintage brooch."  nowadays it is simply an extra word to reassure you your lacy burlap something or other is adequately precious.

alas, this post isn't so much a critique as an observation.  it's not really that hard to change my search keywords from 'vintage' to 'antique.'  still, much like one's inner child, i possess an inner senior citizen who sighs in vague disappointment when i see that we're even co-opting everyday language to better suit our throwaway culture.  want a vintage band tee shirt?  don't worry, we've got forever 21 sweat shops who can make you one for $15.80.  now get your adorable, brand new vintage chelsea crew oxfords off my lawn.

welcome to the new year

"one learns that the world, though made, is yet being made; that this is still the morning of creation; that mountains long conceived are now being born, channels traced for coming rivers, basins hollowed for lakes; that moraine soil is being ground and outspread for coming plants,—coarse boulders and gravel for forests, finer soil for grasses and flowers,—while the finest part of the grist, seen hastening out to sea in the draining streams, is being stored away in darkness and builded particle on particle, cementing and crystallizing, to make the mountains and valleys and plains of other predestined landscapes, to be followed by still others in endless rhythm and beauty." - john muir

2013 was a big year for me, not least based on the fact that i'm tempted to write "2013 was a big year for us."

ok, so maybe it's that steve and i made our commitment a bit more official, maybe it's the fact that we're living together so the concept of me and mine is different.  but i think it might be more than that.  because 2013 wasn't just a big year for me and steve; 2013 was a big year for all of us.

my grandfather passed away, my sister and two cousins also celebrated engagements, my cousin and her husband welcomed in the newest member of the family, and so, so many of our friends made huge changes and steps in their own varied lives.

2013 was a big year for us.

if i could choose to give the past year a slogan, i might choose to call it 'the great collide.'  if i could say one thing about 2013 it is that the entire year was marked by an enormous and constant experience of everything joining together; people, places, ideas, experiences... things just seem much more closely connected this year.  it's rare that i feel i can look back on a given point in time and find that it's knitted together so neatly.  families and friends and acquaintances; places and memories and ideas and experiences, all of it feels pulled into one, in ways that have never happened before.

i could fill up the entire internet, attempting to share with everyone the utterly miraculous experiences we've had in the past twelve months.  but even though it feels like we've packed a lifetime into 2013, it's not the things that have happened to me this last year that make it so special in my mind.  it is the things that i learned, and the new opportunities i have gained for understanding, that make this year of intersections the most monumentally positive one i have ever had in my life.

it would take more letters than my fingers can type to put the lessons of 2013 into words, but here are the easiest ones for me to share:

1.  failure for its own sake is dangerous and foolish to fear.  the fear of failure for failure's sake is the fear of one's own inadequacies; we are afraid that who we are will not meet the arbitrary qualifications of "enough" to be successful.  but in truth, there is no such thing as enough.  we could always do, have, be more.  we can only know the definition of 'enough' retrospectively.  failure is a part of life; it is ineffable.  it is a necessary condition of living one's life, and that is nothing to fear.

2.  evil is a product of in-admirable choices made by those whose experiences have taught them inaccurate things about others and the world.  just as we have a responsibility not to foster and teach each other hatred, we have a responsibility to empathize with and learn from the lives of those who have the misfortune of such a destructive worldview.

3.  every other human being is having a human experience that is exactly as real, genuine, and important as your own experience is to you.  if you are fortunate enough to believe in the value of your own life, you have no right to judge the worth of another.

4.  time is simply one additional dimension through which human beings experience reality.  the reality of what has been, is, and will be never changes, comes about, or goes away; its existence is eternal.  we understand ideas like past, present, and future based on our limited human ability to physically experience reality in a linear fashion.

anyway, we're sure looking forward to 2014.  if we thought this past year was a big one, we truly haven't seen anything yet.  weddings, vacations, and a cross-country move.  crazy as it may be next year, i truly can't believe how lucky steve and i are to have so many wonderful people who care about us, and to have so many fortunate plans on our horizon.

wishing everyone the best and then some in 2014!

bits and pieces

i couldn't really sleep last night, which made me expect today to be dreadful.  quite the opposite, i'm rather punch drunk and giddy for the following reasons:

due to packing, i have tons of clean laundry right now.

steve comes home tonight!

the guy who wolf whistled me this morning definitely appeared to live inside of a building (ok giddy might be a bit much to say about this one, but it's a step up from getting accosted by homeless men).

and.....

i have successfully surpassed the 10,000 word milestone with my draft!

that one, for me, is really big.  if you need a little perspective that's 39 word doc pages with 1" margins double spaced times new roman size 12.

of course, this also means i'm only about 1/5 of the way there, but it's pretty exciting when you have the opportunity to surprise yourself.  given my track record of false starts i honestly expected to peter out somewhere around nine pages.  i cannot express how glad i am that i decided to keep myself honest by posting my word count to this blog (thank you everyone who encouraged me to do this).

the thing i've learned about creativity so far is that, even though the work is more fun, it's still work.  inspiration isn't all it's chalked up to be.  creativity is a skill, but a creative project is a task and it requires the same mundane, frustrating, laborious crap that i see everyday in the workplace.  realizing this, makes the task at hand seem a lot more manageable.  if i can plug away at databasing building stats, i can definitely plug away at a novel.

"Fiction is one of the few experiences where loneliness can be both confronted and relieved. Drugs, movies where stuff blows up, loud parties -- all these chase away loneliness by making me forget my name's Dave and I live in a one-by-one box of bone no other party can penetrate or know. Fiction, poetry, music, really deep serious sex, and, in various ways, religion -- these are the places (for me) where loneliness is countenanced, stared down, transfigured, treated." - david foster wallace

"No kid can do whatever they want to do. It's a total lie, but they have the right to try to do whatever they want to do. That's their right, to aim to do whatever they want to do. And you know what? Life might kick you in the face, life might not let you do what you want to do, but [my grandparents] always taught me that, you know, 'Go for it! Yeah, you wanna do that? Go for it, son, you've gotta do it.'" - james mcavoy

happy giddy tuesday, folks!

word count: 11,329

advice to my 21 year old self

know your beliefs in terms of religion.  it helps you lead a more intentional life.

understand the difference between a natural desire for property and the desire to fill an empty life.

learn to like breakfast food (even if you aren't a fan).  eating after 8 pm makes you fat.

the world is full of mediocrity.  take advantage of that to make sure your life is not.

you don't owe it to anyone other than yourself to be anything just because you were born a woman (misogynists nor feminazis).

just because someone asserts their opinion, that doesn't mean they are ready to constructively discuss it.

if the best is available to you, don't apologize for choosing the best, but don't criticize the choices of people without your privilege.

etiquette, beauty, and a genuine smile can get you a lot of places, but it helps to have more up your sleeve.

hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!

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