recipe: insanely easy, over the top incredible, ultra- creamy crockpot cheese fondue

i am a woman who is passionate about dip.

call me crazy, but sometimes life just tastes a little better when you're dunking food into other food.  when i was growing up my family always held a fondue night on new years eve, which was essentially an excuse to feast excessively for many hours on end.  every year someone attempts to whip up the tres gourmet cheese fondue recipe that is full of expensive cheese without letting it burn or curdle.  while i can honestly say it's always phenomenal-tasting, i wondered if i could invent a yummy, easier-to-make, budget friendly version for steve and i to stuff into our bellies.

not trying to brag or nuthin' but the results were pretty darn amazing tasting!!  it is sharp, it is creamy, and it is guaranteed to be a whole lot easier than constantly stirring a double boiler.  it's definitely going to be a go-to party dish of mine, and i can promise, despite the excess of velveeta, you won't be able to stop eating it until you're out of dipping supplies.

note: the following recipe yields a very large quantity of delicious fondue, some measurements are approximations

you will need:

crusty bread for dipping (or crackers, salami, veggies, whatever)

1 (32 oz) brick of velveeta

1 (8 oz) brick of cream cheese

3 slices kraft swiss singles

1 1/2 cups semi-dry white wine (riesling is your best bet)

2 tbsp cumin

2 tbsp onion powder

2 tbsp garlic powder

salt and pepper

optional: water, beef broth, or chicken broth

 cut up the bread, velveeta, and cream cheese into cubes.  resist temptation to carbo-load on bread whilst making fondue.

put cubed velveeta and cream cheese into the crockpot with 3 slices of kraft swiss singles.  set crockpot on high for 1-2 hours to melt the processed cheese products.  once the cheese has melted enough, stir the combination into a blended consistency (a few remaining unmelted lumps are fine).

when cheese is blended add the white wine and stir into a smooth consistency.  stir in cumin, onion powder, garlic powder, salt and pepper to taste.  switch crockpot to low and let it sit for about another hour.  if the fondue is too thick once ingredients are all blended and melted add broth (i used beef broth, but i imagine chicken works fine as well) or water to thin.

dip your bread (or whatever form of cheese to mouth transportation you've selected) and enjoy!

cocktail spectrum

happy happy friday!  i am SO looking forward to sitting outdoors for drinks after work so i figured i'd get everyone in on the party!  here are my drink recommendations based on your drinking gender identity.

feeling girly: 

i recommend a fizzy fuzzy navel

it's the genius love child between the fuzzy navel and the mimosa. 

1 1/2 oz peach schnapps

2 oz orange juice

fill with champagne

feeling womanly:

i recommend a classic cosmo

as someone who has never watched so much as 2 minutes of sex and the city i have no idea what my love of cosmopolitans says about me.  c'est la vie, they're delicious.

1 1/2 oz vodka

3/4 oz triple sec

3/4 oz cranberry juice

1 oz lime juice

feeling boyish:

i recommend a tom collins

because they're named after a guy, but they are like a baby's gin and tonic!

2 oz gin

2 oz lime juice

3 oz club soda

1 tsp sugar

feeling manly:

i recommend a boiler maker

because i mean.... come on.  you said you were feeling manly.

(it's a beer and a shot of whisky)

my favorite place in town does them the right way

1 bottle stella artois

1 1/2 oz johnny walker red

feeling androgynous:

i recommend an old fashioned

they've just got that little bit of everything.  everyone looks cool drinking an old fashioned.

2 oz bourbon

2 dashes bitters

2 tsp simple syrup

1 tsp water

1 slice orange

1 maraschino cherry

hope everyone has a fun and responsible weekend!

sometimes

sometimes i forget to take pictures of my life to blog about them.

sometimes i drink too much wine and forget to record the game we played.

sometimes i eat nutella banana crepes with a side of mac and cheese.

pigfood

so last night i invented a recipe, which realistically probably already exists.  it's too easy and delicious for nobody to have ever thought of it before, but i promise it just sort of came to me.  i snapped a picture of my plate last night, but it doesn't look too pretty because i was already going for seconds at that point.  this dinner was just too tasty not to share!  The portions are somewhat approximate, as i was mostly eyeballing what i was adding.

balsamic maple pork tenderloin
2 lb pork tenderloin
1/3 cup pure maple syrup
1/3 cup balsamic vinegar
3 tbsp red wine vinegar
garlic powder
salt
pepper
crushed red chili pepper

place pork in a cast iron dutch oven (or covered metal pot). combine maple syrup, balsamic vinegar, and red wine vinegar and sprinkle in a bit of garlic powder.  sprinkle salt, pepper, garlic powder, and crushed chillies on top of the pork.  pour syrup and vinegar mixture on top of pork loin.  cover and cook at 375 degrees for about 50 minutes or until pork is fully cooked (time may vary especially if cooking in a metal pot vs cast iron cookware).  i imagine this recipe would work just fine in a slow cooker as well.

oh and if you'd like to make the yummy cheesy potatoes i served with the pork loin, you can find the recipe here.

super yum!  give this a try and let me know how you like it!

Super-Ultra-Mega Treats

For a summer in college I worked at this mom and pop owned bakery / cafe back in the zoo ("kalamazoo" for those of you that haven't caught on to this blog title yet).  I used to throw out the left over donuts at the end of every day and was welcome to take / eat as many as I pleased.  Let me tell you that was NOTHING compared to my current workplace.  Apparently architects are addicted to sugar.  Yesterday, Charley's mom, who is known around the office as "The Cookie MoMster," showed up with 5 catering plates of sweets and I almost went into diabetic shock just looking at everything.  Then I tasted quite literally the greatest cookie I have ever eaten in my life.  Disclaimer: I am not a huge cookie girl.  I am more of a cake/fruity-custardy-crumbly/pie kind of lady.  If you ask me there is nothing better than a piece of chocolate dipped key lime pie on a stick, so if you are a religious chocolate chip cookie person these might not blow your mindhole the way they did mine… but I suspect they still might.  They are THAT good.  Fortunately, Angie (The Cookie MoMster), is the most thoughtful lady alive and always provides the recipes for her baked goods.  So if you are looking to make someone a treat… or gain a lot of weight… make these things.  You will not be disappointed.

Chocolate Toffee Caramel Bars

Prep Time (30 mins) Ready in 3 hours

1 (18.25 oz) package butter recipe yellow cake mix with pudding

1/3 cup oil

2 eggs

1 (12 oz) package (2 cups) semisweet chocolate chips

1 cup white vanilla chips

3 (1.4 oz) chocolate covered toffee candy bars (heath bars), cut into pieces

½ cup butter or margarine

32 vanilla caramels, unwrapped

1 (14 oz) can sweetened condensed milk (not evaporated)

1.)  Heat oven to 350 degrees F.  Grease 13x9” pan.  In large bowl combine cake mix, oil, and eggs; blend well.  Stir in chocolate chips, vanilla chips, and candy bar pieces (mixture will be thick).  Press half of mixture in bottom of greased pan.  Bake at 350 degrees F for 10 minutes.

2.)  Meanwhile in a medium saucepan, combine butter, caramels, and condensed milk.  Cook over medium-low heat until caramels are melted and mixture is smooth, stirring occasionally.

3.)  Remove partially baked crust from oven.  Slowly pour caramel mixture evenly over crust.  Crumble remaining cake mix mixture over caramel.

4.) Return to oven; bake an additional 25 to 30 minutes or until top is set and edges are deep golden brown.  Cool 20 minutes.  Run knife around sides of pan to loosen bars.  Cool 40 minutes.  Refridgerate for 1 hour.  Cut into bars and store in refrigerator.

Servings: 24 bars

Serving Size: 1 bar

Calories: 430

Calories from Fat: 190

Total fat 21 g

Saturated fat 9g

Cholesterol 30mg

Sodium 280mg

Carbohydrate 55g

Fiber 1g

Sugar 46g

Protein 5g